Saying Goodbye

I didn't want to get up this morning. I had a hard time going to sleep last night and this morning I just wanted to hide under the covers. I think I just didn't want to face the day and taking Lucy to the vet. I did get up and we took Lucy to the vet. Colin had to carry her to the van and out of the van at the vet's office. The vet looked at her and told us what we already knew, she wasn't doing any better. In fact, she was worse, she was weaker than she had been on Monday and still very congested. He told us that since her congestion hadn't responded to antibiotics or steroids it was most likely a tumor.
The vet asked us what we wanted to do and we make the difficult decision to have her put to sleep. We cried and petted her and said goodbye. We didn't stay in the room while she got the shot, that was just too much for us to handle. Ian petted Lucy and told her he loved her. He still hasn't cried. I'm not sure he completely understands. We told him that she died and he has told us that he's going to miss her. I told him it's okay to cry if he's sad. I think Colin and I have shed enough tears for all of us.
Colin was going to ride the bus to work, but I asked him to drive us home. I was crying too much to drive and I didn't want to face our empty house all by myself. I was right, it was hard to be in the house and know she wasn't going to greet us. All her things were right where we left them.
Silly, goofy dog. We only had her for about a year, but she sure stole our hearts. I think it was love at first sight. I still remember going to see her at the animal shelter. I had Ian with me and I took her outside in their get acquainted area. She climbed up on the bench with me and snuggled up close. She wanted to be loved. I'm pretty sure that if someone had told me that she was old and dying that I wouldn't have wanted to take her home with me, but I wouldn't trade this past year with her for anything. We've learned a lot. I know more about dog food than I ever thought possible thanks to Lucy's allergies and picky eating. I learned it takes about two seconds to fall in love with a dog and a lot longer to heal after they're gone. I learned that my house is big enough for a big dog, if it's the right big dog. I hope this past year was the happiest one she ever had. We're going to miss Lucy.